It is less than three months until my dear husband graduates from school. 74 days to be exact. 74 days until he walks across the stage and collects his Masters of Divinity degree. 74 days until the completion of this step, and 75 days until we step forward, in faith, into the future.
And the scary part? We don’t know, don’t have a clue, of what life will look like in 75 days.
In 75 days, our lives will change.
And we don’t know what that change will entail.
For the next 74 days, we can continue living life in the same basic pattern that we have lived for the last 3 years. He will go to class, write papers, give presentations, and help me with the kids and the household. I will work part-time, go to Healing Academy trainings and coaching days, and take care of the kids and the household. It will be the same pattern as every semester, and yet, so very different.
Because we are living now in the in-between. A time of looking forward to the future, but not knowing what the future holds. A bittersweet time of reflecting on the growth and transformation within our lives over the past 3 years, beginning to grieve even when we haven’t yet left, and aren’t quite ready to leave this place.
The hope, the desire of our hearts, is to end up back in Minnesota, near once again to family and friends. The goal is for dear husband to be appointed to pastor a church somewhere within that great state. It has been the focus of schooling for the past years, the reason we uprooted to come to Kentucky, to learn, to grow, and to return to our roots and true home. That, friends, is the reason we are here, so that he could follow the call that was placed on his heart. And my calling in all of that? To support, to encourage, and to love him through every moment, listen to him practice every sermon, and read and edit a lot of papers.
There are several steps between now and then, though. He still needs to traverse through several interviews, with different committees and people who will evaluate and judge his desires and intentions.
We are journeying through this process in faith and with hope for the future. It is hard to speak about the future, about pastoring a church, about being in ministry with one another when there are so many unknowns, the biggest of which is….will he be appointed to a church? The where, the who, the tangible parts of living and working in a place, these are all questions that we wonder, but they are the least of the questions. Only until we know the answer to the big question of appointment will we start to think upon the rest. All things hinge on that one answer.
We are living in a time of limbo, of the already here, and the not-quite-yet.
If this was one year ago, I would be in freak-out mode at this point. Heck, had this even been six months ago, I would be a bit more worried. But now? Now I have peace. I have a sense that we are coming to the end of a long journey and will be shown the future that awaits just over the horizon.
I have peace, not because I am sure of what the answers will be, but because I know who holds all the answers.
No matter what day 75 may look like, I have peace. I do know that it is only due to the work of transformation and healing that has taken place upon my soul, the willingness to be broken wide open and allow the God of the universe to bind me back together, and the deep, beautiful, raw hope that I place in Him. This is the reason that there is any semblance of stillness in my heart, and a peace in my soul.
We are jumping out in faith, into the wide unknown future.
But until then, we live in the in-between.