I am a bit amazed at how quickly this past year has flown by. I remember being told that the older one gets, the faster time seems to go by. And the older I get, the more true this becomes for me. Every year seems to move a little more quickly, the progression of time moves incrementally faster with each passing day.
2014 has passed by in a blur of joys and sorrows, worrisome days and redemptive moments. I have been self-absorbed, then self-less, sometimes within the same day, the same hour. I have laid in the depths of despair and depression, and rode of waves of joyful freedom. I have broken chains of painful memories, laid my soul bare at the feet of the Lord, and found refreshment, renewal, a resurrection of dry bones. As I reflect upon the past 365 days, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the life God has blessed me with, and humbled by the gifts He has laid upon me. This evening, as we went through our “Jar of Blessings” for the year, I was reminded, once again, how abundantly blessed we are by the people that surround us, both near and far, and the ways God has grown and changed us. Our way of transitioning from the old year to the new is now becoming our yearly tradition, and it allows us a time and space for reflection and gratitude. (You can read more about it here…http://wp.me/p2clhw-2R)
I have watched my children grow. My oldest has gotten glasses and has found a love for creating art. My middle child outgrew every pair of his pants over the summer as he shot up 4 inches. My youngest transformed from a toddler to a talkative, independent 3 year old, though she still finds her way into our bed many nights. I have giggled with them in their silliness. I have cried with them as their little hearts have been broken by wounds from others. I have held them as they have been ill, comforted them as they hurt, celebrated with them as milestones are crossed. I have watched them grow in their faith, listened to their sweet bedtime prayers, heard how they pray for others at school when they are hurt. I have watched them wade through the muddy waters of friendships, watched their heartache as friends moved away, rejoiced as other friendships grew.
I have been awed by the love that my husband pours upon me each and every day, and the love and attention he gives our children. I am so proud of the work he is doing, not just as a student, but the work on his heart and his soul. He is opening himself up to be changed and transformed, and I am so grateful for this place that allows the time and space for that deep inner work. I am amazed at his capacity for learning and knowledge, and I am thankful that he shares generously what he is learning. I am blessed to be married to someone who challenges me to grow in every possible way, and who I can challenge to do the same. He accepts me wholly even with all of my faults, and loves me through all of my insecurities. He has been an anchor, holding me fast to the life raft of love, even in a sea of turmoil and anger.
I have grown deeper in friendships over the past year. The ache of loneliness has subsided as friendships have grown. The jealousies and insecurities still darken the edges of my emotions, but they are held back, tamped down, with every new conversation, every moment of sharing and bonding over cups of coffee or runs through the neighborhood.
I have realized the passing of time in a different way too, as I look at my aging parents. My heart aches a bit at the realization that they are getting older, that time is creeping up on them too. As my husband’s grandmother is about to celebrate her 101st birthday, I delight in the fact that the years may still be long for those we love upon this planet. And I offer all the worry and concern up in prayer, knowing that it is all but a blink in the spectrum of the ages, anyway.
There is no way to measure, to quantify, the life that happens within the span of a year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 525,600 minutes. Moments that blur together, tumbling over one another, creating memories of joy and laughter, delight and love. This is the way we end this year, reflecting on our blessings, and looking forward to the future, knowing that God holds it in His hand.
May your 2015 be blessed, dear ones.
family insanity 