Off-Kilter, Part 2

Something still is tilted in my world, and I can’t seem to re-align. The darkness is deep and vast, and this uncomfortableness within my own skin is tangible. There is a fire, burning away at the ugly, at the broken, refining, forging what needs to be strengthened, purifying.

In so many situations, God uses the people around me to speak truth into my life, shine light into the darkness. Today, that happened again. I was blessed to spend time this morning with a sweet friend, someone whose words of encouragement were a balm to my raw and fragile heart. Her complete understanding, not of all the details, but the understanding of my soul’s pain was refreshing, life-giving. She could relate to the enemy speaking lies, tormenting, and she spoke grace and beauty, redemption and freedom. This is the beauty of having friendships with those who believe, those who understand the struggle, the ways that we are tempted and tortured by the enemy.

The revelation of yesterday, that I am operating, functioning out of this place of fear, is one I am still wrestling with, still working through. For so long, I have placed the blame outside of myself, piled it upon others, upon circumstances, upon things. But no, when it is boiled down dry, it all comes to me and my brokenness.

Fear and unbelief.

Two sides of a coin. Because if I had true faith, what could I fear? And if I am fearful, where then is my faith?

And all that we are asked to have is faith the size of a mustard seed. A tiny seed, only 1 or 2 mm in size, and that is what we need in order to move mountains. I desire, I need, to live into this truth, to allow that seed to grow, flourish. I must, through grace and mercy, weed out that which isn’t from my Heavenly Father, and throw it onto the brush fire. I am still working on how that looks, how it is to LIVE, to fully live, in the truth.  Because I believe that it is different for each one of us. Our paths of faith and fulfillment are as unique as each one of us, because God speaks to each of us in our own way, in His own way, but all in His truth. Your journey and mine may not look similar except for that we have both placed our seeds of faith in the Savior of our souls, and we are living into that love.

“How He Loves Us” by David Crowder Band is on my Pandora shuffle now and the words are speaking to my heart, just at this moment.  I encourage you to listen, rest with it,  just for a moment.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like a sloppy, wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way…

He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us…
Oh, how He loves us…
Oh, how He loves us.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s